We are living in some tumultuous times my friends. And I for one think it’s time to stop normalizing toxic behaviors. It is not ok. Period. (It has been the inspiration for a lot of my content lately though, so that’s a win lol)

Here is the reality tho, you can have chemistry. You can laugh until you cry. You can share years of memories, inside jokes, vacations, and holidays.
But if you cannot be fully you — raw, honest, messy, and real — without being shut down, judged, or punished…

That is not a safe relationship. 

Let me say that again a little louder this time… 

THAT IS NOT A SAFE RELATIONSHIP! 

Ok, I got that out, now let’s move on lol

Without emotional safety, there is no true connection — only performance.

Emotional safety is the invisible anchor in any healthy relationship — romantic, platonic, familial, or professional. It’s that deep inner knowing that you can speak your truth, express your emotions, and be seen in your humanity without fear of retaliation, manipulation, or withdrawal of love.

Emotional safety isn’t a luxury. It’s the minimum necessary standard.

It’s the space where you exhale fully.
Where your nervous system rests instead of flinching.
Where love doesn’t come with a checklist or balance sheet.

Here are some signs a relationship isn’t emotionally safe:

• You walk on eggshells or rehearse what you’ll say to avoid “setting them off.”
• Vulnerability is met with sarcasm, blame, or silence.
• You feel like you’re “too much” or “not enough” constantly.
• Conflict turns into character assassination or emotional stonewalling.
• You don’t bring up issues because “it’s just not worth the drama.”
• Everything is fine… as long as it’s on their terms. 

If you recognize any of these — pause and remind yourself that it is your responsibility to shift the standard. We teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate.

When you get crystal clear about what you need in your relationships…
…and then have the courage to honor those standards without apology — everything begins to shift.

You stop bending, shrinking, explaining.
You stop tolerating crumbs and calling it connection.
You stop betraying yourself just to keep the peace.

And instead —
You begin to radiate a field of self-love so potent…
it becomes a filter.

A filter that repels those who aren’t willing or able to meet you.
A filter that magnetizes those who can and will.

Because your energy doesn’t lie.
When you choose you, the universe follows your lead.

Here are 5 steps to make emotional safety the standard (not the exception) in all of your relationships:

1. Speak Your Boundaries — and Stick to Them
Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re bridges to connection. Speak what you need clearly. If it’s not respected, that’s data — not drama.

Say:
“I’m open to this conversation, as long as we can both agree to no yelling or name-calling.”

2. Lead with Curiosity, Not Combat
Creating safety is a two-way street. When you’re curious instead of combative, you set the tone for honest, open dialogue instead of defense and blame. Lead by example. 

Try:
“What did you hear me say just now?”
or
“Can I share how that landed for me?”

3. Stop Over-Explaining Yourself
Over-explaining is often a trauma response — trying to earn permission to feel how you feel. You don’t need permission. Your feelings are valid because you feel them. Period.

Try This Instead:
“This matters to me. That’s enough.”

4. Watch for Emotional Consistency
It’s not just about how someone treats you on your best days — but how they hold you on your worst. If someone uses your vulnerability against you later, that’s not love — that’s leverage.

Ask Yourself:
“Can I show my sadness, anger, fear, joy… and still feel safe here?”

5. Create a Safety Plan — for Your Soul
If a space continues to feel unsafe, ask yourself what you’re truly afraid of losing… and whether you’re already losing yourself by staying.

Soul Check:

• Do I feel like I can be fully seen here?
• Do I leave interactions feeling more regulated or more dysregulated?
• Can I say “no” without paying a price?

You deserve relationships that feel like a soft place to land — not a battleground to survive.

It’s not about being “too much” or “too picky.”
It’s about being honest. With you first.
And safety — real, soul-level safety — requires clarity, not compromise.

Let’s normalize saying:

• “This relationship doesn’t feel emotionally safe for me right now.”
• “I need to take space to protect my peace.”
• “I’m not available for connection that costs me my wholeness.”

Let your clarity be your compass.
Let your standards be your shield.
Let your love for yourself be the loudest thing in the room.

Emotional safety isn’t a bonus. It’s the baseline, the bare minimum.

Because when you’re safe — your soul shines. And that’s where the real connection begins.

Until next time, here’s to living your life by design, not default.