I was talking with a friend recently about how exhausting it is to constantly negotiate with ego at work.

He was sharing how every time he made a suggestion to his team (genuine, well-intentioned, focused on improvement) it got dismissed. Not debated. Not even considered. Just brushed aside.

It reminded me of a chapter in the beginning of my own career. I was a trainer at a health insurance company. The training was 13 weeks long. In a room with no windows. I knew that room intimately, cause I had been a new hire in it myself.

When I became a lead, I’d hear the same questions come out of every cohort. People weren’t struggling because they couldn’t learn. They were struggling because the program wasn’t helping them see the bigger picture. They couldn’t connect the dots between what they were learning and the actual work (or the actual humans) on the other side of it.

So when I became a trainer, I came in with ideas. Not complaints. Ideas. Things that could help new hires feel more competent and confident, faster.

Every suggestion was met with ego.

Despite being respectful. Despite being professional. Despite the fact that the suggestions were good. I was called into HR and my job was threatened.

I was a solo mom with a daughter in first grade. So I did what so many of us learn to do. I played it safe. I sat back. I stayed quiet. And I watched a program I knew could be better… keep failing the people in that windowless room.

Then a new manager came along.

In our first 1:1, I made a decision. Go big or go home. I told her everything I thought we could improve… Every observation I’d been sitting on, every idea I’d buried. At that point, I figured, what did I really have to lose? (Besides my job…🤪)

She didn’t get defensive. She didn’t take it personally. She listened.

And then she said something I’ll never forget: “You’re right. What would you do?”

She gave me permission to lead.

The result:

→ We redesigned the new hire training from 13 weeks down to 5 —> while maintaining quality.

→ Faster onboarding. Significant cost savings.

→ We launched a customer-focused training initiative that improved member satisfaction and employee quality scores while reducing customer complaints.

Same person. Same ideas. Same voice. The only thing that changed was who was listening.

Talent doesn’t disappear in the wrong environment. It just goes quiet.

Every time a leader meets good ideas with ego, they don’t just lose the idea. They lose the trust of the person who brought it.

If you’re a leader: the people on your team are watching how you respond to their suggestions far more closely than you realize. Every dismissal is a small lesson in don’t bother next time. (Same goes for your kids, spouse, friends…)

If you’re the person being dismissed: it’s not always you. Sometimes the room you’re in just isn’t ready for what you have to offer.

Find the people who see you. Hear you. Value you. Find the rooms where your ideas can breathe.

In life. In business. Everywhere.

❤️ Terica