One of the most valuable life lessons I’ve learned during this last decade of healing work is that healing is never linear. You don’t work through your shit and check it off some imaginary “list of traumas” that will never come up again.

Healing is an evolution. In my humble opinion, healing is meeting your trauma at the level you’re ready to face/dive into at THIS EXACT moment in your journey. The reality is that trauma is probably deeper than the level you’re currently processing at. Another scenario is that you’ve processed that trauma in the scope of one area of your life, only to be unexpectedly triggered in a different area.

Here are some of the questions I now ask myself as a self-assessment in all aspects of my life:

(Fill in the blank: ___ could be a job, relationship, friend, business partner, etc.)

1. Is this ____ moving me towards my goals/vision?

If not, it’s a distraction.

2. Is this ____ a safe space to be me?

If not, I cannot show up fully as my authentic self.

3. Is this ____ safe for me to be vulnerable?

If we’re not taking this ____ to a deeper level, then I am unable to invest my time and energy further.

4. Is this ____ growing with me?

I am constantly growing; if this ____ is not, I will quickly outgrow it.

5. Is this ____ building me up?

If this ____ doesn’t make me feel good, I cannot participate.

6. Is this ____ adding value to my life?

If not, it’s taking from me.

7. Is this ____ challenging me to be my best self?

If not, it’s not an energetic match for me.

8. Is this ____ in alignment with my values?

If not, there is no future for me in this ____.

9. Is this ____ in alignment with my goals/vision?

This is a very different question than #1. Something can move us towards our goals without aligning with them. For example, I could hire a sales coach for my business, which would “check off” the 1st question. However, if that sales coach does not operate within the same code of values, then our goals/vision will not be aligned.

10. Is this ____ a FUCK YES?

If not, it’s a NO!

Here’s to another week of living your life by design, not by default!