Since I was a little kid, I could never understand why some people are so mean.

I’ve never understood how people can think they are better than or superior to anyone else.

I have never been able to comprehend the hate some people carry just because someone doesn’t think, act or look like them.

How is it possible that slavery even began? Why did so many people support it? How were so many people silent? How the fuck was it just accepted as normal? That’s the kind of shit that keeps me up at night. And that’s just one example of far too many horrific things in our “Great American History”.

We are all humans sharing this planet, why is it so hard for people to just live and let live? Why does everyone have to conform to one way? One viewpoint. One religion. One God. Just because I was born in this country, does not mean I am obligated to be Christian or follow the rules of your “Great Bible”. And let’s be real…most people (not all) who claim to be Christian, really suffer from Arrogant Superiority Syndrome (ASS). Yes, I said it and I will continue to say it!

Why is it the people who call themselves “people of faith” or “Christians” the ones calling for war? The ones who are literally and often illegally causing harm, including death, rape, beatings, and so much more EVERY SINGLE DAY in this country. EVEN TO OUR CHILDREN! What happened to the foundational principles of Christianity… “so in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” or “love thy neighbor”? You can be a “full blooded American”. Born and raised here and just because your skin color is brown you are at risk of being beaten, arrested and deported to a prison in another country with no due process and no apology. Completely destroying your life and people in America not only support that, they celebrate it. You could be a young girl who’s kidnapped and thrown into sex trade so some rich old man can fuck a kid. But that’s ok. You get to do things like that when you’re wealthy. You could be queer and stoned to death because that’s what the Bible says should happen and men like our dearly departed Mr. Kirk not only actively support, but promote these harmful beliefs to the next generations. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Are we delusional?? WTF is happening???

The other day I was compelled to write about the assassination of Charlie Kirk. But let’s be really clear, my post wasn’t about him. The reason I shared my thoughts is because I can’t stop thinking about all the kids. Not just his (like everyone are so focused on), but the children who keep dying in classrooms, on playgrounds, and in their own neighborhoods from violence. The children who have witnessed and experienced trauma that will forever change them. That horror that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. The children who are currently being traumatized by the lockdowns and drills. The fact that men like Charlie (and far too many others) could look at those tragedies and say it’s “an acceptable cost of freedom” is devastating to me. It is unacceptable. It is NOT OK! And I am so fucking SICK over it all.

I was outraged. I was gutted, and not just by this, it’s compounded by every fucking bit of it. All of the other horrific things happening in this country and the terrifying things we’re funding worldwide. Yet despite my rage, I was so very careful about how I phrased my post. Not because I was worried about offending anyone, but because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being another one of the insensitive assholes. You see, I like many others, was raised by insensitive assholes and have spent my entire life taking the temperature of the room and watching what I say and do for fear of retaliation…,from my own fucking family…  I’m about to turn 48 in a few weeks and I’m just now realizing that because of all that trauma, I tend to be overly cautious so as not to be the one causing harm or creating divide. I am also a Libra…balance and fairness are critical. So, I even went as far as to ask two other people for their thoughts. Two people I respect who pay closer attention to world events and politics than I do.  I saw so many people putting this man on a pedestal, praising him, idolizing him and saying NOTHING about the children slaughtered. Acting like this man was a national hero or Jesus himself! And I  thought…what is going on? Am I the crazy one? I didn’t react. I paused. I checked myself.

But none of that matters when you’re dealing with bullies. I was accused of being hateful, and yet I said nothing unkind. I said nothing demeaning. I never called him names. I was accused of dismissing the value of his life because his beliefs don’t align with mine and yet I only stated facts, documented facts that any person can verify. Called disgusting and disturbing, blasted for calling a bully a bully…when he fits the exact definition “A person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.” I was accused of using his death to sell my brand. Let’s be clear, I am my brand. My face is my brand. My images are my brand. My writing is my brand. My page is my brand. And the same goes for each and every one of you. The fact that I also operate a service-based business is irrelevant to that post and yet at the same time, it’s critical for my brand that I clearly voice my values and what I stand for. I wrote because my heart was broken…is broken —> for the children who will never get another tomorrow. For their parents who will never stop grieving. For a culture that mourns an idolized political figure but barely blinks at kids being buried week after week.

I am not here to convert the bullies. I am not here to create believers or gain followers. I am not here to preach my gospel or tell you how to live your life, there are enough people who have that covered. I live with intent and purpose. I share, I write, I go on long winded rants (like this one) so ONE LESS EMPATHETIC HUMAN FEELS ALONE OR CRAZY! I don’t share any of this to say poor me. I share this to call attention to the violence, abuse and toxic behaviors that society has deemed as normal and acceptable. I write for that person who needs to know they’re not alone in feeling horrified by what’s been normalized.

I am here to show up as a human who gives a fuck about the other humans I share this beautiful planet with. I made a commitment when social media began over 20 years ago that I would fill my feed with positivity, inspiration, different perspectives, humor, etc. I show up to share life lessons, experiences, stories. I show up to create connection, a safe place and belonging.  I may not always get it right. I may not always use the right words. But I will always show up authentically with integrity, humility and empathy (even when others don’t believe in that word or what it stands for).

And the reason I even have the courage to do so is because of the ones who showed me a new perspective. The men who showed me that men can be safe. Showed me that something different was possible. Men like Preston Smiles who has shown me that vulnerable and healthy love exists by the way he loudly loves his wife and their children and vulnerably talks about the struggles in their marriage. Or men like Nick Tillia who has reminded me who the fuck I am in moments I was dealing with self-doubt or imposter syndrome, and he holds incredible space for his wife and children to shine, always their biggest cheerleader. None of these were personal conversations, this was not one-on-one, it was right HERE on social media over the last decade of my personal journey unlearning the abuse. Consistent. Safe. Love. Even in times of chaos and uncertainty, like now.

There are so many others I could mention, including incredible women. However, I am very intentionally spotlighting men because I believe this country needs to see different examples of masculinity. Consistent masculinity. Masculinity that leads with love. Masculinity that is safe and doesn’t create fear or cause harm. Masculinity that seeks to protect and unite, not divide. Masculinity that is self-aware and vulnerable, and holds space for others to be as well. Masculinity that is a safe space for difficult dialogue.

I don’t know about you, but I know I don’t want to live in an America where people are unsafe because of who they are, who they love, or the color of their skin. I want an America where kindness, compassion, and understanding lead the way. Where our kids grow up unafraid of being different, knowing diversity is a strength. Being different should not be feared. Differences are learning opportunities, and everyone has something to teach you. I want this world to be a kinder and safer place for my grandchildren to grow up and raise their families and I can’t accept anything less!

I have been writing about our toxic culture for years…I will continue.

I have offered tools, resources, and shared different perspectives…I will continue.

I will always and authentically speak my truth without worrying how your ego may react… because your reaction is a reflection of you.

My intent as a human sharing a planet with all of you is to always listen and provide support wherever I’m able. My goal is that everyone feel seen, heard, and valued. Always.  I have learned the hard way in life that you can’t ask people to jump further than they’re ready to. Sometimes we need to see, hear or experience something different in order to believe it can exist for us too. This is especially true for those of us who have experienced domestic violence and trauma. We need to see that what has been normalized is not normal before we can build the courage and conviction to change our own narrative.

This is why I keep speaking up. Not to argue. Not to divide. But to invite conversation, to offer perspective, and to remind you that you are not alone if you are horrified by what’s happening.

Some will blast me, some will unfollow. That’s okay. My only ask is this: if you stay, stay with kindness and curiosity. Our words matter people…use them for love.

Until next time, here’s to living your life by design, not default.

 Terica

P.S. I chose this picture of me with my grandfather because he always encouraged and supported me in using my voice and shining my light. He was such an important influence in my life that I had his Thunderbird bass guitar tattooed on my forearm after he passed as a constant reminder.