Why emotionally healthy women are no longer settling for potential.
Dickstraction (noun)
Someone who enters your life looking like a blessing but leaves you distracted from your purpose, questioning your worth, and apologizing for standards that were never too high.
Not to be confused with:
Husband Material
Someone whose presence multiplies your peace, protects your growth, and makes your world feel bigger, not smaller.
The same year my daughter turned 18, graduated high school, and moved back to our hometown, I turned 40 years old.
It was also when I reentered the dating world after over a decade of single life and celibacy. I hadn’t even entertained dating since my 20’s. I knew it was different in the sense of online dating, but I’ll admit, I expected it to be better and easier in my 40’s.
I’d spent years rebuilding myself. Learning that peace isn’t passive. That boundaries aren’t punishment. That accountability is freedom. That healing isn’t about becoming someone new… It’s about finally becoming yourself. I assumed there would be more people doing the same.
Instead… I opened a dating app.
Swipe left. Shirtless mirror selfie.
Swipe left. “Just ask.”
Swipe left. “Don’t bring drama.”
Swipe left. No bio.
Swipe left. “Looking for someone who doesn’t take life so seriously.”
Swipe left. Left. Left. Left… Hundreds of times.
Not just because I’m picky, but because I don’t date for fun. I’m not interviewing Dickstractions for the role of Partner/Husband.
What I found wasn’t a shortage of men. It was a shortage of self-awareness. Emotional maturity. Accountability. Purpose. Intention.
No character. No integrity. No values. No vision.
Just another human looking for companionship without first becoming someone actually capable of partnership.
I would consistently hear the same complaints from my single friends (both men and women) and I couldn’t help but ask myself… How did we get here?
This isn’t just about dating people… It’s about the state of our society! It’s about human development… or the lack thereof.
This is what happens when emotional growth becomes optional. When children become adults without ever being taught how to process disappointment, regulate emotions, communicate honestly, repair conflict, or take responsibility for the impact they have on other people.
Speaking as a woman who dates men… We’re exhausted.
From confusing attention with intention. Exhausted from wondering whether kindness is genuine or simply the opening act of manipulation. Exhausted from relationships where compliments become currency… and a dinner somehow becomes a promise for sex. Exhausted from navigating fragile egos that crumble the moment we express a different opinion. Exhausted from carrying the invisible labor of relationships while pretending it’s “just what women do”.
And before someone comes at me with… “Not all men.” Of course not.
I am blessed to know incredible men.
Men who lead with integrity, passion and purpose.
Men who protect without controlling.
Men who are emotionally available.
Men who are raising extraordinary sons and loving their partners well.
This isn’t about them.
This is about the patterns too many women recognize the moment they enter the dating world.
Ask a room full of single women about their experiences. Really ask… Then just listen.
Listen to the stories about love bombing that turned into control.
About emotional inconsistency mistaken for passion.
About the disappearing acts.
About manipulation disguised as romance.
About women shrinking themselves to preserve someone’s fragile ego.
About mothers realizing they’re already raising children… and refusing to raise another adult.
Something bigger is happening.. Women are becoming less willing to sacrifice peace in order to avoid loneliness.
We aren’t asking for perfection. We’re asking for reciprocity.
We aren’t looking for someone to complete us. We’re looking for someone who’s already committed to completing themselves.
That isn’t selfish. That’s called growth. For generations, women were praised for service, sacrifice, and endurance.
Stay. Forgive. Keep the family together. Don’t complain. Don’t be difficult. Don’t have too many (or any) opinions. Smile more. Need less.
Today, more women are asking a different question. “Does this relationship actually make my life better?”
That’s not a threat to healthy men. It’s an invitation. Because emotionally healthy love doesn’t ask someone to shrink. It creates room for both people to expand and grow; individually and together.
I don’t think we have a dating crisis. I think we have a human development crisis.
We’re producing adults who know how to make money but not repair relationships.
Who know how to perform confidence but not practice vulnerability.
Who know how to pursue success but not emotional safety.
Who know how to consume endlessly but rarely stop long enough to ask… “Who am I becoming?”
Everything is connected. The workplace. The home. The dating apps. The classroom. The headlines. The fatherless children. The rising loneliness. The declining birthrate. The epidemic of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. The increase in domestic terrorism and mass shootings.
None of these exist in isolation. They are threads in the same ecosystem.
This isn’t a men’s issue. It isn’t a women’s issue. It’s a HUMAN issue.
And the solution isn’t choosing sides. It’s choosing growth.
The greatest threat to our relationships isn’t a lack of love. It’s how much dysfunction we’ve accepted as normal.
We’ve normalized emotional immaturity to the point that healthy people now feel like they’re asking for too much.
Emotional health isn’t a luxury. It’s the foundation of a thriving life and society.
To the men willing to heal… We need you.
To the fathers raising sons… We need you.
To the mothers raising daughters who know their worth… We need you.
To every leader creating emotionally healthy workplaces… We need you.
The future changes when emotionally healthy humans become the standard instead of the exception.
That’s the future I’m fighting for. Because I believe we can do better.
I want men and women who know how to know themselves.
I want children who never mistake control for love.
I want boys who grow into emotionally safe men.
I want girls who never confuse self-sacrifice with self-worth.
I want relationships that feel like home instead of survival.
Because my grandbabies (and yours) need us to do better. They deserve to inherit something better than what we’ve normalized.
❤️ Terica
